Happy Holidays!
Once again, I send my sole annual correspondence to
all of you whose names and addresses I have collected over the years. Some of
you I have not seen, nor heard from for a decade or more, but my collection,
that qualifies me for a bulk-mailing rate, helps me with affirmations of my
worthiness and value as a person. Thank you also to those of you who bless me
with your sole annual letters that conveniently sum up your year in five paragraphs.
It is amazing that by writing down our accomplishments, and documenting our
lives, we are effectively validating our purpose. Blessed be the holiday
letter! My life is only enriched when I read that Charlotte from my high
school days was so proud of her 2 year old for kicking the thumb sucking habit,
and that Jared moved from 1st street to 4th street in March.
For those of you who are graced or plagued with the
details of my life on a more consistent basis, this letter may be pasted into
your scrapbook of memories. Or, you may recycle the page as holiday wrap,
fold it in fours to make an eggnog coaster, or set it ablaze with your Yule
log, as you burn away the pain of the past, and plead to the fire gods for
happier, more fruitful and more favorable times in the future…..
2009 began as usual for our family…with several
colds and flu’s. The ridiculous nature of the ‘holidays’ (that is, from
Halloween to New Year’s Day) always seems to get the better of us, rendering us
exhausted, sick and oh so tired for at least a couple of weeks. Last year did
not disappoint, and after several doctor’s visits, a few rounds of antibiotics
and much ‘Breathe Easy’ tea however, we surfaced in February renewed and eager
for adventure.
Thanks to the ‘local’ hockey program, we had
fantastic travel opportunities this blustery winter, with travels to premier
methamphetamine Wyoming oil towns, dry-county Utah whistle-stops, and small and
unexceptional villages in Idaho. The burdensome and knuckle-whitening drives and
hockey related injuries were obviously worth the effort however, because now our
son can recite the Applebee’s menu off the top of his head, and knows which
room is closest to the (cess)pool in most “Country Inn and Suites” or “Shilo
Inn’s”. Way to go, boy! We’re so proud.
A visit from my brother last winter proved to be an
exciting time for us as well. My 4-year old niece and 12-year old daughter
bonded over what I term the “Crown and Chopper” incident, where a front tooth
was violently broken off leaving a gushing puncture wound above another's eye. Both
girls really demonstrated a respect for life when they asked if they were dying
as astounding amounts of blood poured from their heads in ways that would rival
a bear mauling. And as all great family gatherings end in frustration, panic
and tears, we were not disillusioned, as those left standing frantically wiped
up bloodied floors and walls, made panicked calls to dentists and
pediatricians, and emotionally contemplated a trip to the ER. And although the
tooth was never found, the tooth fairy demonstrated compassion and unequivocal
generosity by shelling out an enormous sum for a 4-year old’s baby tooth.
College is already starting to look financially feasible for my darling niece,
proving that teamwork pays off in the end! Dentistry might be an appropriate
field of study…. Great work girls!
As far as the forehead goes, my daughter’s festering
infection finally healed up after 3 doses of antibiotics and two months of Neosporin
applications. The scar on the forehead now serves to ensure that my beauty
will never rely solely on her looks for success…a boon in a world where people
don protective facemasks to guard themselves from worrisome pandemics and disease
anyway. Lucky break!
And speaking of pandemics, the Swine flu infused our
home with more opportunities for family bonding and intimate growth. Cuddled
together and shivering from fever, we united over shared boxes of tissues, hot
honeyed tea and Pink Panther reruns for an entire month. Not to make a silk
purse out of a sow’s ear, the pig thing did however grant us natural immunity
to the flu, and we feel so fortunate not to have to endure lines for the
controversial and divisive H1N1 shots.
As for myself, I opted for a sensational shoulder
surgery in the early spring. A formidable and illuminating process that
afforded me much time for introspection, I learned how much joy can come from
tiny amounts of codeine, diazepam and alcohol. I now have a renewed respect
for the money-hungry, deceptive, government monopolized pharmaceutical
companies, and will turn to them first for any liver ailments or neurological
concerns that befall me in the future.
'Dad' took a 4-month sabbatical this year
in which he moped around contemplating his existence and purpose in life. He
climbed some absurdly high mountains in Ecuador (looking for the answer),
damaging his lungs and reactivating his childhood asthma. As Oscar Wilde once
said “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” So, under the
euphemism ‘experience’, more desperate attempts to conquer nature and test the
physical limitations of a 55 year old are in the works….and Albuterol and
Ibuprophen are really fine drugs.
Our family sends you our thoughts of peace and love
for 2010, since the 2012 predicted demise of the world is now just over 2 years
away. Have a blessed holiday season, and remember that turkey’s are
intelligent birds that are generally inhumanely raised and slaughtered, eggnog
is basically salmonella and cream in a glass, and that mulled wine can absolutely be
considered a meal.
Cheers!
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