Say It In A Song

               “Well I never been to Spain

                But I kinda like the music

                Say the ladies are insane there

                And they sure know how to use it

                They don't abuse it

                Never gonna lose it

                I can't refuse it”

       We were singing along to the classic song, when my daughter pauses the iPod and says,

      “….sure know how to use what? What are they singing about? What do the ladies in Spain use?”

       For the first time really acknowledging the meaning of the line, I glanced over at her and proceeded to skirt the subject by replying with a very lame and elusive  “I don’t know.”

       She shrugged, started playing the music, and when the chorus repeated, she asked again…

       “What would they be using? They must have been thinking of something when they wrote the lyrics.”

        So, I guess now I have to start parenting through song lyrics…

       I sighed….looked over at her once more and quickly contemplated getting into details of what the Spanish women could be ‘using’ and what the band Three Dog Night ‘can’t refuse’.

       She is 13, I thought, but do I really want to explain the whole sexual intention of those lyrics? Do I ruin the innocence of the song for her (and for me) by providing sexual images for the words? If I do that, she’ll never be able to sing that song again without those images popping up. And we were having such a nice innocent time…!

       Besides, I was driving, and I didn’t feel that an intense discussion of human sexuality could be properly explored in the car. Shouldn’t there be eye contact, and maybe even a brochure or something? Today, with web-site access, sexting, chat-rooms and online predators, I wanted to have a much more in-depth discussion regarding boundaries and educated choices.

       So I said, “They’re were just trying to rhyme. That’s all. None of the song really makes sense…..You know… ‘use it’, ‘abuse it’, ‘refuse it’, ‘music’….” I thought for sure that would buy me some time until we could sit down at home and talk…..but being the inquisitive and unrelenting type that she is, my determined mini-me couldn’t let it go. Unmistakably dissatisfied, she paused the iPod again, slapped her hand against her thigh and bemoaned,

       “It really bothers me! Use what?!”

       “Okay…” I relented. She was clearly not going to let this go, and I thought at least she should hear it from her mom and not some testosterone thumping 14 year old boy who is gyrating while he’s singing to her….

        I plainly told her,  “I’m guessing it must have something to do with seductiveness and sexuality….flirting and stuff… I’d like to talk more about this at home, okay?”

       “Oh” she says, understanding exactly what I meant, and not being the least bit uneasy. “I know all about that ‘stuff’. Just a song, Mom. Can I turn it back on? You don’t need to give me the talk….again. I am 13….I knew those things when I was 7.”

       And then, switching subjects, she started talking about her math test….

       What do kids know at this age? What do they think they know?  The questions exploding in my mind were like 4^th of July fireworks, and I knew that I absolutely had to have the talk….again….probably purely for my own peace of mind.

       So - a few songs will precede tonight’s discussion. I’m thinking something like The Beach Boys’ “California Girls”, The Beatles’ “She’s Leaving Home”, Ella Fitzgerald signing “Making Whoopee” and of course Sir-Mix-a-Lot’s rap “I Like Big Butts”.

      Maybe tomorrow we’ll hear The Everly Brothers’ “Wake Up Little Susie” and Bob Marley’s “Is This Love”…..

       Who would have thought it could be this much fun?!

       My poor kids are going to wish I would have just handed them the booklet from the doctor’s office….