Attention Kmart Shoppers….

     I had to go into Kmart today. An odd store that I usually try to avoid, the items I needed were unavailable anywhere else in this podunk-one-‘superstore’-town….and I didn’t have time to wait for an internet order, or drive 3 hours to a more urban area.

     Before entering the unpleasant building, I fully prepared myself, in order to avoid more time than necessary in the place. I made notes, memorized my itemized list and strategized the route once inside. I knew even before I entered the store, what kind of cart or basket I’d be getting, and on what side of the store I would start. I was as organized and equipped as possible because it’s all about strategy when going into ‘Area K’. It’s all about tactics….and focus….and patience….

      ….because that place is just not right.

     I don’t know what it is, but I feel like I’ve entered a strange land when I go through those poorly functioning and filthy glass doors. Every time I make it just beyond the real world, and I’m standing completely shrouded with bad Kmart lighting, my mind goes blank for about 15 endless seconds. I stall, and stand there dumbfounded and lost, forgetting why I went in there to begin with. And even though I’ve memorized my list and planned my route, I can not for the life of me retrieve it from my dulled mind. My plan of attack has vanished from my brain, my senses have been zapped, and I often feel a little lightheaded. It’s as if I’ve stepped into a brain-sucking and energy-sapping vortex….that smells like old lady and vanilla-peach scented candles. It’s the Kmart Abyss….and it’s horrible….and I sometimes even feel a little panicky for the first few seconds, until I am able to remind myself that this always happens and I that I always come out unscathed.

     This particular time, I was able to gather myself rather quickly however, because instead of stuffing my list in my pocket, I entered the building armed with it in my hand. No fidgeting or fumbling was necessary since my survival code was readily available, and I simply flexed my arm and focused on the paper, easily breaking the paralyzing trance that was affecting me.

     What is it in there? Is it the lighting? The layout? That nauseating and caustic synthetic candle smell?

     I can’t pinpoint it, but something is definitely awry in the K. And the staff appears to have been sucked into the turbulent ‘corporate K’ gyre too. They all have that glazed over and hypnotized look, and they move in a rusty robotic fashion….seemingly unaware of anyone or anything around them. They appear almost alien…or lacking oxygen…and they never look you in the eye. Are they being held captive in that strange place? Do they need air? Do they need my help?

     It’s truly the only store in this town that gives me the creeps.

     And didn’t they go bankrupt anyway?

     And don’t they sell stuff produced by some felon?

     Anyhow, you’ve never seen anyone walk with such hurried excitement as when I’m heading toward the Kmart exit. I look desperate and overly enthusiastic.  I feel as if I'm almost running out of air, drowning in there, and I have to surface outside in order to breathe….in order to survive another day.   And it occurs to me right now that maybe that’s even a grounded sensation!…. Maybe someone needs to check the O2 level in that place!

   ....something is just wrong in there.

   …something is just simply off-Target…. (he he)